Pooh's Middle-Earth Adventure
by Old Toad
Summary: An absurd little tale: Pooh and friends are led astray in Middle Earth, and Middle Earth has its dangers!


The Way was uphill, the Way was steep, the Way was narrow, but most of all the Way was tiring: Piglet was tired, though he had ridden on Eeyore for a good deal of the climb; Pooh was tired, even though he had used Eeyore's tail to help pull him up; Tigger had no bounce left and his whiskers were drooping; most of all Eeyore was tired. Eeyore was doubly tired, he said: first because he had done a great deal of pulling and carrying, which was true, and second because he had had to walk up the Way with four legs, while the others only had two.

"That's not quite true, Eeyore," said Pooh, wearily. "Tigger has no legs and he is as tired as any of us, aren't you Tigger?" But Tigger was pretending to be asleep, his eyes were tight shut and he was making little Tiggerish snoring noises.

"Yes. Rest, rest," said their guide. "Save your breaths's for the last climb. It is steep but short."

"And will She be there?" asked Piglet.

"Yes, yes, a few more steps and you'll be in her house."

"I do hope," said Eeyore, doubtfully, "I do hope She will be at home when we get there, because it's a long way back to the Hundred Acre Wood. A long, long way."

"Yes, yes, a very long way," said the guide. "But She is there: you shan't have to go back to your wood. Ever."

"And will there be lots of honey?" asked Pooh, not for the first time.

"Oh yes, more honey than you could possibly eat."

"Tigger likes honey too," said Tigger, opening one eye.

"Plenty for you too. Lots of lovely honey, yes there is. Plenty for all!"

"Excuse me," said Eeyore, quietly. "I'm not one to make a fuss, and I'm only a silly old donkey, but I haven't seen a thistle for ever such a long time. Down there," he pointed vague downwards with one hoof. "Way down there were lots and lots of thistles. Not here. Does She have thistles?"

"Of course! Lots and lots of thistles for a hungry donkey. All sorts of good things she has, yes, and nicer things for donkeys than nasty thistles, yess" said the guide. "Now sleep, rest your weary selves while I go to tell Her you're coming. … No rest for your tired guide, is there, Precious?" And off he went.

Sometime later Piglet woke up and looked around. "Are you sleeping, Pooh."

"Not any more, Piglet," sighed Pooh, making as big a yawn as a little bear could.

"I had a wonderful dream, Pooh. I dreamt that Christopher Robin came to rescue us. He came with a big balloon, and we all got into the basket, even Eeyore, and away we went back to the Hundred Acre Wood. Wasn't that a lovely dream, Pooh?"

Pooh looked around; he saw the steep drop up which they had climbed; he looked around the narrow uncomfortable stony ledge on which they huddled; he looked up at the steep and narrow crumbling stone steps up which their strange guide had scampered. "Yes, it was a nice dream, Piglet. I wish Christopher Robin was here, don't you?"

Piglet nodded. Pooh went over to those steep stairs and looked up. He sniffed deeply. "I am a bear of very little brain, Piglet dear, but I am a bear with a very good nose, and I cannot smell honey. I can smell a horrid smell and it's coming from up there."

Their talking woke up Eeyore, who did not look happy, he never did. "Don't mind me," he said, "but I think fresh thistles in a field might be nicer than those in somebody's house, however many there are."

"Do you want to turn back, Eeyore?" asked Pooh.

"I want to be in my field," replied Eeyore, firmly. "And the only way there is back down the Way we came up." He sighed as long a sigh as even a donkey can make."

Tigger had been listening. "Tigger doesn't like bouncing up steps very much. Bouncing downhill is fun, fun, fun!" He looked happy for the first time since they had begun this adventure.

"Then we all go down again now?" asked Pooh.

"Shall we wait for Gollum to come back so we can say 'goodbye and thank you'?" asked Piglet.

"No," replied Pooh, "I don't think we will." And off they all went, down the path, Tigger leading the way.

THE END


End file.
